If you wanted to be there you’d be there.

Once there was a prince who lived quietly and comfortably in his father’s castle. Word came to town that they were giving out free…toys…no…plague immunizations in the forest but the prince passed, even though plague was serious, because he had grown up reading that dragons liked to trick people with the promise of plague immunizations. Also, highwaymen were a thing. But man, the other kids went, and really had a good day, and didn’t die of plague.

 “If you really wanted to be there,  you’d be there.”

I have a difficult time prioritizing major life movements. I’ve always wanted to live in or near mountains, most specifically Colorado. So why do I still live in Kansas City?

The quick answer: because it’s easy. After I attended Kansas State, many of the friends I made there moved here. Kansas City is close to Manhattan, and I thought I would have an easier time finding a job. This was relatively true. But finding a life, a place, has been elusive.

So I have searched for jobs or a possibility to transfer in and around Denver. It felt like a constant source of frustration not finding anything there, like something was keeping me from getting there. Something was keeping me here. But it dawned on me slowly. Safety is and always has been the priority. Consciously or not. If I really wanted to move to Colorado, I would have taken a cruddy job there and began that chapter, but I haven’t.

It’s something I still wrestle with. I always see myself living there, and not here. But what is it worth to me? Give up the security of the job and friends I have here? It would be easier if I hated it, living in KC, but I don’t. It’s…fine. Sometimes pleasurable. There are good people here.

One of two things will happen, ultimately. Either overcoming the umbrella of perceived security, or accepting a place in KC, which would in no way be a bad life.

I know the mountains aren’t a land of milk and honey. Whatever personal shortcomings I have here will follow me. But each time I take a trip out there, it’s harder to come back.

PS I hope they start using the story I opened with in schools.